So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
