so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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