found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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