You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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