Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
