OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
