just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
