Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize