I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
