Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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