My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
