I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
