Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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