After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
