Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
