i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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