Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
