You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
