I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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