Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
