ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
