remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
