So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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