Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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