Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
