And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize