Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
