somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i now understand why vodka
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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