i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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