I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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