Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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