Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
