Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
