oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
