We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize