He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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