WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
