Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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