I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
