found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
