It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
