I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
