Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
