Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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