Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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