Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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