he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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