Kiss
Puke
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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