I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
