You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
