I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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