I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
