Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
