I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize