You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So much Jack, so little girl.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
