The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
