I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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