So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think I have vodka in my lungs
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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