Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
