what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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